#abuse

The blight of abused men could be worse than publicly known or acknowledged.

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I used to read in news about abused men preferring to suffer in silence, and actually it does indeed hit a note in many men.

Discovering this hidden curse is like finding out about a long festering disease in a person who never goes to see a doctor.

In fact, one can never really know how deep-rooted and widespread this problem is, but a random casual survey I did seems to uncover a world of stories about abused men who indeed are suffering in silence.

Many of the stories are extremely personal and sensitive in nature, which is why the victims never see it fit to report their predicament to the authorities, least of all to disclose their identities to the media.

 Some of the stories, however, are told by third parties; people who are usually close relatives or close friends of the victims. Some stories are revealed by those who happened to have heard of other people’s family problems.

Statistically judging from the cases that I have come to know, roughly eight of ten of the cases of the so-called abused men can be categorised as emotional abuse.

And this type of abuse is always not reported to the authorities because it cannot be physically proven in court. This should partly why men do not seek legal address to such problem.

Besides, some men  admit they feel embarrassed to let their problem publicly known. Some men, however, point out that emotional abuse is in fact just as bad as physical abuse.

They even claim that emotional abuse can be much worse than physical abuse; which is why there are victims who are driven to point of taking their own life to escape the suffering.  

A man who is already in his late 50s confesses he has endured emotional abuse for over 30 years. And that is all because his wife is an excessively jealous woman. He says his wife would want to know every movement he makes including every person he meets, talks to, and why, when and so on and so forth. If he comes home from work later than usual, his wife would question like a police officer interrogating a criminal. His wife can be jealous even to see him being loving to their own daughter. He says he is already so fed up with quarrelling with her that he has resigned himself to the fact that the purpose of his life in this world is to suffer under his wife’s domination.

A 46-year-old civil servant says he is always put into an extremely difficult situation by his wife who never seems to like to see him doing anything good to the people of his own side. He says every time after he comes home from having gone to see his aged mother, he would have to face the stormy face of his wife.

When his mother and his siblings come to his home even during festive times, he is not allowed to show that he is happy to see them coming. But it is totally a different thing when it comes to people of her side. She expects him to treat her side like VIPs.

Although many people may regard such matters as trivial, for him, they make him highly frustrated with life. Because he is quiet and sheepish in nature, he just has to suffer in silence, and he wonders how long more he can remain sane.  

And there is this 30 something guy who says he is now considering a divorce because he longer is able to tolerate humiliation from his wife and her parents. He says just because the family of his wife is richer than his side they would always use their financial dominant to subdue him which includes always hurling all sorts of abusive words at him. He says their words are like sharp swords slicing him to pieces. He says their slams can hurt him so much that he would have preferred to be hit with sticks and stones rather than suffering the mental torture from the ways they treat him.

A 26-year-old lorry driver who only wished to be identified as Ah Kok says he has a 29-year-old cousin who is now driven to state of suicidal by his abusive wife and her brothers.

He says his wife is always flirting with other men and when he confronts her and quarrels with her about it, she actually fights with him and even physically abuse him.

Ah Kok knew about his story after he one day noticed there were scratch marks on his face and his ear was slightly lacerated. He asked his cousin why he did not report to the police and the cousin told him his wife called her two brothers to threaten him not to do so, or else. Ah Kok says his cousin confided in him that he was all the time thinking of running away to another place or to commit suicide, but the thought of leaving his two little children behind held him back.           

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